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In Search of Peace
Fifteen years ago I lived with my family in México.
I lived with my husband and my children in an environment
of domestic violence that was getting worse by the day. We
all moved to Ciudad Juarez and after thinking about it for
a while, I decided to cross into the United States. Mi husband
always threatened to kill me if I tried to leave him. I planned
to leave very early one day with my youngest daughter who
was 10 years old at the time. Once I made the decision I told
her and she reacted very happily saying “yes mamita,
I want to go with you” and her eyes shined with joy.
A few days went by and one morning in June, when it was still
very hot, we left to the United States. The sun was barely
rising with its rays shinning over everything, except my heart
that was full of grief. I still remember that day as if it
were today. My daughter and I got up just like every other
morning, except that that day would change our lives forever.
We dressed with special clothes because we had to pretend
that we were going shopping. My daughter wore a white dress
with a pattern of red flowers. She looked very pretty. I was
wearing a green dress, a coat, stockings and high heel shoes.
A niece took us to the crossing point. Nobody besides her
knew anything. She took us to the place were everybody crossed
the Rio Bravo. When we got to shore, there were men with small
boats. They were old, faded, and very dirty boats. There were
also some inner tubes. They would charge twenty dollars per
person to cross on a boat or fifteen per person to cross on
the inner tubes. There were several people waiting and we
stood in line waiting for our turn to climb aboard. Fifteen
people would fit tightly in a boat. We paid for the boat and
jumped aboard. The boat started to rock and I got very scared.
I could see in my daughter’s eyes that she was also
scared. I pretended to be strong so that she wouldn’t
notice my anguish. I didn’t want her to notice the pain
I felt, having left my children, my parents and my brothers
in the country that we were leaving behind. Leaving them left
me in terrible anguish, with my heart devastated, but I knew
I couldn’t change my mind.
The time that it took to cross the river seemed like an eternity
to me, as if time had stopped, as if time knew about my sad
and broken soul and the sorrow in my heart. I wanted to hug
my daughter, close my eyes, and imagine a better world for
her and for me. My thoughts were interrupted by a voice shouting
“we arrived!” We got off right away. The water
look dirty and upon jumping on the ground, someone screamed
“la migra!” Everybody started running and spread
in different directions. My daughter and I did the same. I
took my shoes off. I was very frightened. A truck was following
us. We ran and ran getting away from the rest of the people.
I don’t know how long we ran, but eventually, we arrived
to a big store and, thank god, we were not noticed. We waited
there for a while and then we came out.
Since I didn’t know the city, my niece had recommended
me to go to the plaza and she said that someone would help
me there. She told me to ask for a job and I did that all
day long, but, nobody would help me. That day on the plaza,
everything seemed very sad to me, as if everyone was walking
aimlessly. The empty benches gave a feeling of loneliness.
There was a sad breeze, barely blowing.
It was already late, almost dark, I was getting desperate
and we hadn’t eaten. We were also tired. Then, a woman
approached us. I thought that she was an angel. That’s
how I saw her then. She told me that it would be hard to find
a job if I didn’t know anybody. She told me to follow
the train tracks and that I would find a building that said
Rescue Mission. That place was an oasis for me. That place
has the purpose of consoling souls that are walking on a road
with no hope. We spent the night there.
That is how our lives changed. Not everyone comes to this
country to make money. I had a different dream. I wanted to
live without fear and find peace in my heart.
BY: ANGELINA IBARRA SÁNCHEZ
TRANSLATED BY: ANDRES MURO
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